Chikara no shoumei
by Pandawasmyballpen
Summary: He didn't know betrayal could do and change so much. Not only does his world seem much bleaker, the voice in his head leaves him less than stable with its half baked lies or truths he rather not face. no pairings


_Sometimes when I close my eyes, I imagine that I was just normal. I was just a normal boy placed in a normal cell with all too normal teammates and teacher. Sometimes I would imagine that the abnormal heat coursing through my body doesn't exist, that boiling chakra doesn't run just beneath my skin. Sometimes in my mind I pretend that I am happy, that there's nothing wrong. That I belong in a happy family made up of my team, Iruka-sensei, Tsunade-obaachan and ero-sennin._

_But when I hear THE voice, I wonder…. Is it too much to ask?_

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Naruto splashed his face with the cold water running through the faucet. He kept his head down almost afraid to look at his reflection at the mirror as he turned the water off and leaned heavily on the sink. His muscles are still stiff and sore, bruised, battered, and aching. At least, he thought with little relief, his cuts had healed and stopped bleeding.

The small graces he receives… He snorted. He gazed blankly at the used bandages he had tossed carelessly on the floor.

_**Ungrateful whelp!**_

Maybe so, after all Neji and Chouji are still confined in the ICU while he's already healing.

_Healing…._

His hand unconsciously made its way to his chest. Will he ever heal? Though the marks are completely gone, he's still hurting and it hurts so goddamn much!

_Sasuke!_

He clenched his hand to a fist crinkling his clothing. The bastard. That fucking bastard. How could he just do that? He may not know much of friends and family but he does know that killing what you consider your best friend is out of the norm.

_**Shows how much you know about human bonds gaki.**_

_Urusai yo Baka-kitsune!_

Naruto shut his eyes tight as he heard deep rumbling laughter inside him. The connection he had with Kyubbi had only grown stronger after using the fox's chakra trying to prevent Sasuke's….defection.

_**Betrayal.**_

_Shut Up!_

The word leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and makes his heart ache worse that he had ever felt before even when he was still a child. He shook his head and tried to steer away from those thoughts.

_**You're a fool. You were better before when you had no human ties binding you.**_

_And what would you know about that baka fox?! Nothing._

**_Nothing?_** Naruto could practically feel the demon sneering. **_They would only betray you and use you. How many times would you insist before you learn? Who next? Iruka-sensei was it? That pink haired forehead wrench, the scarecrow, the…_**

_Stop it! They will never do that. They would never betray my trust like that!_

_**Oh? Then what about 'Sasuke?' your supposed to be brother? Remember him? The one who just 'casually' stuck a hand through your chest? **_

_Shut up and Get out._

_**You think you worth more? You think those precious people actually give a damn about you? You think you could really trust?**_

_Get out! _His body begins to shake.

**_The truth hurts doesn't it?_ **He could feel the fox grinning. **_That it was all better when…._**

_Get out!_

…_**you were stil…**_

_Get out!_

…_**.Alone.**_

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!" He screamed. And for a moment he was confused whether it was directed to his demon or the memories of Sasuke.

**CRASH! **

Naruto opened his clenched eyes only to see himself holding his bloody head between his hands from the many reflections of the cracked and broken mirrors. "Get out of my head. Leave me alone." He whimpered as he sank down on his knees. "Why is it…" He muttered as few stray tears roll down his cheeks disgusted that his wound is already healing. "Why is it that everything to do with me so screwed up?"

_Sasuke…_

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_So everyone is still healing huh? At least Chouji and Neji will be okay_. Naruto slurped up the last trails of his ramen and place his chopsticks on the bowl. Rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand, he picked up a glass of water silently thanking the powers that the fox chose to be silent for once giving him a short semblance of peace.

…

It's eerie, Naruto thought. Now that he could practically _hear_ the silence of his tenant it bothers him. He only wish it was the same for his memories though. Sasuke's _defection _somehow keep on surfacing and though he was not surprised, it irks him that that particular memory revives a whole lot of bad memories he thought he long had buried. He shook his head and began to drink. _Sasuke, sasuke, sasuke… It's always began with Sasuke and always ended with Sasuke. _He inwardly snarled feeling vindictive._ If it's not the fox then it's the…_

"Uzumaki Naruto."

…_bastard._**Pfueesshhh!!!! **Naruto sputtered and nearly drowned. "SATAN!" He glared at the newcomer beside him. "Geez Gaara! Don't sneak up on me like that." He held an imaginary hand over his fast beating heart. The boy in question merely tilted his head to the side his face remaining as emotional as a brick wall like before.

Then there was silence. Gaara for being naturally quiet and Naruto being unusually silent. The last time he had seen Gaara was during the sound invasion and their meeting isn't actually the best of moments. He felt the fox stirred inside him and he broke out a grin. "Hey Gaara! So what you doing here?"

"…talking to you."

"Hehe… right." Naruto rubbed his nape somewhat sheepishly. Gaara moved to leave looking back at the blond as if expecting to be followed which Naruto unconsciously did after leaving money at the table.

…………………

"Soooo… Gaara, I heard you helped us with the mission." Naruto trudged at the side of the sand nin, his arms crossed behind his head.

"Yes." The redhead noted the cold glances the people they pass by threw at the blond and kept his silence. Naruto threw a careless grin at the other boy's direction. "Thanks"

_Thanks…. Thanks for helping even when I failed._

Naruto clenched his hands for a second before relaxing, if Gaara sensed his sudden tension, he gave it no heed. _Damn. Damn it, everyone, you fought so hard and I only failed you guys. How could I face them? Sasuke…_

They stopped their trek when they arrived at a park. The sound of children's laughter seem to draw Gaara's attention and yet not. He placed his gourd down and leaned back on a tree with his arms crossed while Naruto sat down on a bench. Naruto watched with no interest as the children play around, the sunset basking them with orange glow.

Somehow it doesn't make him feel well, watching those children laugh makes him remember his youth when he would watch the others have fun while he sits alone in his swing. And in turn, it also made him remember Sasuke who always seemed alone. Maybe it is his fault after all. If he was better he could have beaten him, if he was a better friend Sasuke wouldn't have run off in the first place.

**_It's not always about you. It is human nature to betray._**

_Is it?_

"I understand how you feel Uzumaki Naruto."

Naruto started at Gaara's voice cutting him from another mental debate with the fox before it even began. He looked up at the red head that seemed to have a far away look in his eyes. "Yashumaru, he was my caretaker and uncle when I was young. He meant… a lot to me." Gaara shrugged. "He tried to assassinate me one night and I killed him by accident in defense."

Naruto's eyes widened before a small bitter chuckle left his lips. The other boy turned to him with curiosity. "I guess…" Naruto began. "This is just the ways things are for us demon vessels. Shunned, feared and betrayed."

"I wondered about that. You said to me before that you also have a monster inside you. A demon?"

He nodded slowly. "yeah. The Kyubbi no Kitsune." Gaara looked away. "I see." And he did see. After all about almost everything about the blond made sense after that fact. Naruto unconsciously moved his hand to his stomach. "Ne, Gaara…." Naruto paused, hesitating. "Do you still trust someone after that?" Gaara gave him a contemplative stare before answering as he picked up his gourd and strapped it on his back. "Yes."

"But how?!" the blond cried. "How could you trust after something like that?!" _How? How could you when it hurts so much?_ Gaara tilted his head and while his tone of his voice didn't change, Naruto felt like it somewhat grew warmer. "You should know Uzumaki Naruto that you make much more impact unto others that you expect." And with that he disappeared with a swirl of sand leaving the blond thinking on what the red head meant.

Later that day when Naruto got back to his apartment and took a shower, he made up his mind to continue his daily routine and forgo thinking altogether. Besides thinking and remembering Sasuke hurt too much. He winced.

_Don't think about him. Don't think about him. Don't think about him._

He closed the shower and sighed somehow still feeling like he rolled in a pile of crap. He wrapped a towel around his torso and took another one to dry his hair. He passed the mirror as he went out of the bathroom only to froze. _That can't… nah. I must be imagining things. I mean there's no way I would suddenly have indigo eyes right? Yeah… I'm just too tired._ Even though with those thoughts, he couldn't help himself as his feet backtracked to face him to the bathroom mirror. "See, perfect blue eyes. You're going crazy Naruto." He laughed at himself somewhat shakily. He moved to peel himself from his reflection when one minor detail once more made him pause as run chills down his spine. He screamed and punched the wall while a tide of unpleasant emotions swept through him. While his eyes remains as blue as ever his pupils…. They are narrowed to slits.

_What the hell is happening to me?!_

And once more and maybe not the last, tears ran down his cheeks.

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End file.
